Saturday, May 31, 2014

It's been a while...

I am horrible at keeping up with 'blogging', I can't even remember the last time I even thought about posting something on here.
But with S preparing for his deployment in just a few days, it's really setting in.
I cried for the first time tonight since the day we got the original orders. In the past couple of weeks we've gone through stages of grief I guess. We had a couple really rough days. It took me a while to realize what was really going on. It's hard trying to prepare yourself for being on your own while simultaneously wanting him to be super involved because he's not gone yet and he's trying to prepare himself too.
Right now my husband is downstairs gathering anything he could possible want or need for the next year, that he's able to fly with...
I won't have anyone to talk to, to share everything with... He won't be here to see all of the incredibly cute and impressive things that R does. 'I' won't have Dad to build legos with or play video games with...
I am going to miss him so much!
And I feel that I have to try even harder while he's gone, not to just get by, but to make him proud of me that I'm able to do it. I was a single mom for six years before I met S, I should feel confident, but I don't. I have gotten used to having him here. Every time that I can't reach something up high or open something or even figure out how something is supposed to work, he is always there for me. And I love him so much! It was easier being alone before because I didn't have love anyone.
My husband has made my dreams come true. I have never once doubted that he loves me even in our worst fights. Which are few and far between. He has blessed my life SO much. He is a great husband and father. He has made it possible for me to be a stay at home mom of our two sons and now to also be a full time teacher to 'I' as well.
I have to new found determination to be more active on this blog. I want this to be a place that S can see us and be connected to our daily lives.
Tomorrow is the first day of S, with his unit, making the final preparations to leave. In just a few short days (especially since I'll only really have the evenings with him) S will leave for a year.
Please pray for him.